Volunteer

Again, what the hell do you people mean?

I see a police car and it has a sudo-sign/sticker/something in the rear side window that simply says "Volunteer".

Are you suggesting that I volunteer and if so, why the hell are you telling me what to do?

Are YOU a volunteer with the police? How's that work? If I "volunteer", does that mean they'll give me a police cruiser, uniform and shotgun?

I'm confused as to the meaning of your sudo-sign/sticker/something.

ESPN

It's official, ESPN has run out of topics to debate. They're discussing the BCS Title Game which took place last night and they're debating: "Did Florida win or did Oklahoma lose?". Huh? Is that a trick question? I'm going with answer.......C - Both of the above.

Raiders

Last week, Laura and I were either watching or listening to the Raiders game. At the end of a play, the Raider's tight end was slow getting up. While he was still on the ground, the commentator said, "The Raiders certainly can't afford to lose him."

Dear Commentator,

What the fuck does that mean? Are you referring to this particular game? They're down by 3 touchdowns with 4 minutes left. Are you referring to their season? Their something like 3-11. Are you implying their hopes of finishing the season with 4 wins have been dashed?

Not only can the Raiders "afford to lose" their tight end, they can afford to lose the entire team! In fact, if the entire team was lost in a plane crash, they couldn't do much worse. Seriously, if the Raiders will rebuilt next year from an expansion draft, they could probably win 5 games.

Thanks

Jason "Raider Hater" Tray-Dog

What Did You Say?

Laura, Steph, and I had dinner at Extreme Pita. They sell pitas in either 6" or 9" sizes. Laura was finishing hers rather fast and Steph was lagging behind. Steph noticed this, turned to Laura and asked "Did you get six inches? 'Cause I got nine inches and it's taking me longer."

Steph is a dirty, dirty bird.

Old Age Is A Bitch

My mother and father in-laws are going through a phase in which every time you suggest going some place, they're afraid there won't be any parking.

My own mother can't find trash bags to fit her trash can. I took a closer look and realized that she's using a laundry hamper. I thought she would have been clued in by the holes in the side of the basket, not to mention the sticker on the side that reads "Hamper".

In their defense, around 5pm today, I realized that I had been wearing 2 different shoes the entire day. Lucky for me I never left the house.

Ketchup on Eggs

Went fishing this morning, caught 4 fish. Came home, started some bacon while cleaning my fish. Scrambled some eggs but undercooked them a little. By the time I put some ketchup on the eggs, I had a red, mushy pulp that resembled the fish guts I just threw away.

I didn't finish my eggs...

New TV Show?

When the Comcast cable guide abbreviates a show's title, "Flip This House" becomes "Flip This...". I think the abbreviated version sounds like a better show.