Yep, You're Going to Hell

I'm not a religious man, but I do believe there's some big picture that none of us are seeing.

With that being said, a man was killed on Friday as 2,000 shoppers stormed into a Walmart in the wee hours of the morning so they could save a few bucks on their electronics. The man was literally trampled to death. This happens every year but usually nobody dies. We hear the stories of elderly people getting walked over, people stepping on pregnant women, all to save money on some electronics or other goodies.

These people aren't running on a primal instinct to survive. It's not like there's a food shortage and they're fighting each other for food off a truck. There's no epidemic that's killing people and they're not fighting for medicine. They're just greedy pigs that are willing to kill other people in order to get a flat panel TV.

People tell me that no matter how well I treat others, no matter how much I help the planet or improve life for the unfortunate, I'm going to hell because I don't believe that Jesus died for our sins. That's fine, I'm not too worried about it. But I gotta tell ya, I don't care if you DO believe in Jesus, you're consumer greed got you a first class ticket to hell on the seat next to me. I've never killed anyone for a microwave.

Its Not a Tumor

Holy crap. I've got a stomach bug. Was supposed to visit my mom this weekend, do some fishing, possible golf, and definitely spend a day or more in Yosemite. Was REALLY hoping to take pictures, hoping to find some monster bucks before they shed their racks in the near future.

But, the stomach kept me from going. Felt a little better for a day, then crappy the next day. It comes and goes, sometimes I feel better when my stomach is empty, other times I feel better when I eat. There's just no consistency.

I've had this before. I used to describe it as the "stomach flu" but I learned there's no such thing. It's possible I have a touch of the flu and it just happens to be affecting my stomach and nothing else, but more than likely, it's just a bug. I've had it before, I'll have it again. It lasts about 4-6 days, it's not the end of the world.

My mom sends me an email and reminds me of how my Dad had cancer 20 years ago and asks if I've been checked out for stomach cancer. Wow.

I told her, in the nicest way possible, she's officially gone off the deep end. I have a tummy ache and she starts thinking cancer. I told her to "step back, take a deep breath, and let the reality wash over your body." It's a stomach ache.

Good lord.

Me nuts!

I'm not sure how, or if it's even possible, but I think I broke one of my balls. My right one has been aching for a week, there might be a visit to the doctor in my future.

What I Learned at the CAL Game Yesterday

If you're going to store jello shots in your purse and sneak them into the stadium, remember to be gentle with your bag lest the jello shots explode and you get blue and gold jello all over the inside of your bag and all its contents.

If this should happen, try to be drunk enough to not really care that every time you reach into your bag your hand comes out blue and sticky.

Holy Crap

I've reached a new low. I was in a hurry this morning so I was brushing my teeth fast and furious. On the down stroke, my arm went too far and the toothbrush popped out of my mouth. On the quick upstroke, I shoved my toothbrush right up my nose. It friggin hurt. Not to mention that it started to bleed like a geyser. The good news is that my right nostril is free of plague.

JT

Timing is Everything

Some people say that timing is everything, especially when it comes to comedy. My friend Nicole will agree since she's the funniest person I know. Keith also agrees, he just doesn't practice it.

As I've learned today, timing also applies to weddings...

Exhibit A - I had a cold sore 2 weeks AFTER my wedding. Perfect timing.

Then today, I was going to hop in the shower, decided to spend a minute plucking and trimming my eyebrows. I don't have enough hair on my head, but when it comes to my eyebrows, it's a never ending battle to avoid the Dukakis look...not to mention the uni-brow. So, I bust out the new trimmer, I set the length to #2. I turn it on, it's buzzing away, I press it to my head and while I'm zooming it across my right eyebrow, the damn clicker slips and slides the length down to ZERO. Now I have one eyebrow that almost doesn't exist.

Again, I say it's all in the timing. The cold sore, eyebrow gate, both could have happened right before the wedding. I would have been paying the photographer to add eyebrows and chop a pound off my lip, not to mention I wouldn't have been able to kiss the bride.

I feel lucky. Hairless....but lucky.

Point for Bellacantare

Mr. Yosemite couldn't figure out how to use the slideshow function. It took me like two minutes.

Bella = 1
MrY = A big fat 0

Point and laugh...